Paul Hannaford

My Life: Old & Present

When I reflect on my life, I am not proud of what I have done but I am grateful for the life I have now and for the privilege of being able to help and educate others. This is my story; Growing up many years ago in East London then in Essex, I was a bright, happy and normal little boy who was obsessed with football and my dream was to one day play for West Ham. I was probably never good enough but age 8 that’s all I wanted to do. At age 11, I left my small local primary school and started at a big secondary school with over 1000 kids in it and so I made lots of new friends. I was also in a local football team and my life was fine and very normal until I reached Year 9.

When I was 13, I got involved with some boys who were ‘Weed’ smokers and like a fool, I tried it too. Within 6 months, I started to smoke it every day. I lost complete interest in football and school and I eventually got kicked out my football team and school. I ended up in a PRU (pupil referral unit) where I met a group of boys who were just like me who also smoked Cannabis. I became friendly with some of them and we formed a gang.

Our gang was a mixed group of black and white boys. We were all so out of control that we eventually got kicked out of the PRU. So, there I was aged 15, out on the street, carrying a large knife and knuckle duster like the rest of the gang. I started to commit crime every day, as my cannabis drug habit had escalated to other drugs such as LSD and Ecstasy. I drank lots of strong alcohol and I was ‘out my head’ every single day.

By age 16, I had earned myself 15 convictions and because of this I was sent to 3 young offenders’ units. As time went on the gang members changed but there was at least a core group of between 8 and 10. By the time I reached age 21, I become one of the gang leaders. We would go on to have many battles with other gangs in the area. I got stabbed 7 times in total, one nearly fatal as I was admitted into intensive care for a few days as I almost died.

I thought I was going to live the rest of my life like this. However, one evening I was with a member of my gang at party and Heroin was introduced to me. I never ever thought I would touch it because I had seen Heroin addicts in the street and as far as I was concerned, they were all ‘scum bag junkies, but I got extremely drunk and stoned that night and curiosity got the better of me and I tried it.

Heroin took me to a very dark place, because I stopped smoking cannabis and drinking and I started smoking heroin every day. Within a year my health suffered. I stopped cleaning my teeth would go weeks without bathing and ate very little. I lost over 5 stone and none of my family wanted much to do with me. I had put my mum and girlfriend through hell. My addiction caused me to reject my family and those who loved me and ultimately robbed me of the opportunity of being a happy normal young family with a daughter who I would never meet for a further 14 years. I opted instead for a life of crime and drugs.

I became extremely lonely. Over the next 10 years I was living in crack dens. I started to inject Heroin rather than smoke it. I injected all over my body, hands, feet, neck. I started to also inject ‘Crack’ but crack, makes your veins thrombosed. I had two needle heads snap off in my arms. Surgery was unsuccessful in removing them and I still have one in my arm today.

I was also sharing needles with other addicts. It became normal to inject at least 50 times per day with the same syringe. Some days blood would squirt everywhere, and I had large clots and open wounds. My health became so poor, I could hardly walk but I was an addict and I needed at least £400 – £500 per day. I was a shoplifter and I would run out of shops with large amounts of clothing stealing £2000 worth of goods and sell the goods on in order to get enough cash to buy Crack and Heroin. One day I got myself a handgun and I started robbing all the dealers in my area. I knew though that it was only a matter of days that I would be dead. Also, I knew the police were also looking for me.

I was in such a poor state with open wounds in my legs, terrified and unable to walk, I handed myself in. I know now that doing so, saved my life. I was arrested but I needed to be admitted to hospital to have my leg amputated as it was so badly infected. I served my last prison sentence entirely in hospital. However, the hospital managed to save my leg using 100s of live maggots to eat away all the dead infected tissue and I eventually went on to have 20 skin grafts.

I was eventually released and went to a rehab and I got better. I left rehab in 2009. I’m now over 14 years clean and sober. My legs have never healed. They still bleed and I am on medication for the rest of my life.

If you wondered what happened to other members of my gang, well, they were not so lucky. Four of them died from Heroin overdoses and the others have severe mental health challenges. One is still in prison. None of us had ever had a workshop at our school. I fundamentally believe that if we had been more educated, we would have made better choices.

“Excellent workshop. All my 16-18 year-old students were very impressed with your life story and knowledge about tackling drugs and crime. Highly recommended.”

“I thought your speech was incredible and I want to say thank you for what you're doing, not only for me, but for thousands of other people. You really are inspiring and I will never, forget what you said. I only hope that more people will hear your story. I really admire you and once again, Thank You.”

“Wow Paul, you were engaging and interesting. Thank you for talking to us at school. Drug talks are rarely interesting, but your was. You were really informative, probably changing lives for the better.”

“Thanks for the fantastic workshop you put on today at Shoeburyness High School. The pupils gave positive feedback and said you are an inspiration for them to aspire to lead full lives and leave drugs and crime alone. We will be booking you again.”

“Thanks for an awesome talk today. Highly inspirational. It was great to hear your story of how you were involved in drugs for about 30 years! Keep up the good work!”

“Paul's talk was absolutely amazing. He really alluded to the consequence of drug use, and I feel that everyone present could really understand how being a member of a gang is just not worth it. I would definitely recommend Paul to other schools. You will truly gain a lot from him and his story.”

“Your story is changing lives and your daughter will be proud of you! Carry on doing what youre doing! I was left speechless….”

“Excellent workshop. All my 16-18 year-old students were very impressed with your life story and knowledge about tackling drugs and crime. Highly recommended”